My Breasts & Me

This year, for the first time since my original diagnosis of Breast Cancer in 1998, I went back to the NHS for my annual check up. I have been incredibly lucky that for the previous 13 years, and for my original treatment, I had the fortuity of private health care which facilitated my check-ups at the lovely London Bridge Hospital. Yes, I know that it is a privilege, but it is one I have been grateful for as the worry of the annual check up is a huge weight on anyone’s mind, more-so if you are a cancer survivor. As a private patient, I get a one stop shop. Meeting with my consultant, mammogram & results, all within 2 hours. No extended worrying, it’s over and done with very quickly.

The NHS is very different. Fortunately, I was able to get an appointment quickly (owing to my history!) and was also able to have my care transferred to Kings College Hospital to the same consultant who has seen me privately. My mammogram was done on the same day as my appointment – but unfortunately, that is where the comparison ends. For the past 4 weeks, I have been worrying about my results. NHS guidelines say that mammogram results should take no longer than 2 weeks. After that deadline had passed, I called the clinic to be told that at Kings, the result can take up to 3 weeks – no further explanation as to why they were contradicting the main guidelines. After 3 weeks I called again to be told that the letter would be sent first class and I would get it within 2 days. After 3.5 weeks I called again to be told the letter hadn’t been sent but a nurse would call me back. Today, after 4 weeks, I called again, finally spoke to a nurse who said a letter had been sent last week, but don’t worry, as the mammogram was all clear. I put the phone down and cried.

Crying is not an uncommon reaction for me surrounding my mammogram results – it is one of relief and joy, but this year, was an outpouring of stress as well. Why on earth did I have to make so many calls to chase up my results? What about those women who are undergoing mammograms for the first time, those who think “I’ll just wait”, those who, god forbid, have an aggressive form of breast cancer for which weeks may be critical? For me, 2 weeks in unacceptable and 4 weeks is a ridiculous amount of time to wait. BUT – what can we do?

The NHS receives almost equal amounts of criticism and praise. It is a public, non-paid for health service. It does incredible work. But that doesn’t mean we cannot complain and we cannot strive to make improvements. £12.7 billion pounds was wasted in investing in new computer systems, a project projected to cost £6 billion pounds and a project which was scrapped last year. Can you even IMAGINE what an investment of £12 billion pounds would do to breast care services – to any number of services in the NHS.

I urge you all, use the best resource you have – your mind – write to your local MP, raise questions and ask what can be done, what WILL be done. Women die from breast cancer. It is the number one cancer in the UK. We MUST do what we can to make improvements.

Does the London Mayor have the X-Factor?

Today, Thursday 3rd May, in London, we have the Mayoral & London Assembly elections. Seemingly it will be a two horse race between Blue Boris & Red Ken – we will know the outcome by tomorrow. If you haven’t voted yet, I urge you to do so – especially you ladies out there, lest we forget the Suffragettes. It is your civil right and as one person said on Twitter – it’s astonishing that people will pay £1 to vote for a winner on the X-Factor but can’t be bothered to go to a Polling Station to vote for someone who will affect their day to day lives.

But there are some interesting questions raised that have been asked before in recent elections. We live in the generation who are glued to their smartphones and the internet. Online security is a hot topic. We can purchase and organise just about anything online. Why on EARTH do we not yet have the technology that allows us to vote in a political election online? The voting system as it stands is antiquated – no ID is requested when you go to the Polling Station, just your voting card. If you have lost it, you just need your name, address and possibly (although I’m not sure) your date of birth. No formal ID at all. Then you vote on a piece of paper. With a pencil. In this, the 21st Century. The votes are then counted by people. Through the night. I mean really, it’s practically the dark ages!

The second question is – why are voting on a Thursday and forcing schools to close? Understandably, schools cannot remain open whilst a constant stream of strangers wander into the school. But why on a Thursday? Why can the elections not happen on a Saturday? It’s a genuine question, I haven’t researched so maybe there is a legislative reason  – does anyone know?

Interested to hear what people think.

RIP Claire Squires

Until Sunday evening, Claire Squires was one of thousands of runners in the London Marathon trying to raise money for charity. Like her fellow runners, I suspect she struggled to get her friends and colleagues to donate any money – charitable donations are massively subjective, just about everybody will have a cause that they are close to and more often than not, regularly donate money to that cause. I know from my own experience that it can be frustrating for me and irritating for those I am reaching out to when it comes to requesting sponsorship. I suspect Claire Squires experienced similar feelings when she was trying to reach her initial goal of £500.

To date, Claire’s JustGiving page is showing in excess of £390,000 donated. Suddenly complete strangers are donating. Her name has been trending on Twitter, her fundraising efforts are on the news and the total just keeps on rising. This is fantastic news and I’m sure Claire is ecstatic that her fundraising efforts are being rewarded. There is only one problem. Claire Squires is dead. She died within yards of completing the London Marathon on Sunday.

Many of the people donating money are doing so in her memory. Some are runners who also took part in the marathon, others are random strangers, touched by the death of a young life. But I wonder how many of these people would have donated money to the Samaritans, indeed to any cause, if it were not for Claire’s death?

It is a difficult subject and one I have thought long and hard about before writing this blog. But it truly disturbs me that it takes the death of a young woman to get people to part with their money. I know we cannot give money to every charity. I know that it should not be an obligation. But this feels wrong, should people be donating in this way? It feels like it is almost a lemming mentality. I know that I shouldn’t be critical – funds are being raised and I am incredibly happy that so much money has been donated, but I hope that next year, people will donate to a cause under less unhappy circumstances.

Tragedy!

Tonight I will be going to see one of my favourite EVER bands who have reunited. Is it The Clash? Is it The Specials or some other band who people speak highly of in admiration of the impact they made on music? No, the band I speak of is Steps – yes, that cheesy 90’s phenomenon who sang, danced and smiled their way through the pop scene. Am I embarrassed? Absolutely not. Which is why I am writing this blog, I wanted to tell you how I feel about music.

Music has always been part of my life, whether it’s listening, playing or singing. But it is always, always about FEELING the music. My early memories are of being at church and singing hymns (I’ll go onto my thoughts about religion another day!), and it’s a good memory. I often find myself randomly singing the words to hymns that I haven’t heard in years – nothing like a bit of “Onward Christian Soldiers” to lift your spirits on a dull day (and yes, just by typing it, I’m singing it in my head!). The 70’s were the Bay City Rollers for me and moving into my “hey day”, the 80’s were awash with fantastic tunes! The Kids From Fame, Spandau Ballet and any number of soul & funk bands – LOVED it all. There are so many tunes from that era that fill me with joy and make me want to dance that I could go on forever. And no, hardly any of them could be lauded for their amazing lyrical content – they are just great songs that make me happy.

Of course, happiness is but one feeling. There are numerous songs which, just by hearing a snippet, will instantly make me cry or pull me into a world of memories. None of which I want to forget, I just don’t want to remember them very often. The Clive Dunn classic, “Grandad”, instantly brings an image of my grandfather into my head and his funeral, at which the song was played. The song evokes happy and sad memories, and makes me remember how much I loved him and how I continue to miss him. The same is said of Chas & Dave’s, “Ain’t No Pleasing You” – many church discos I went to with my Nan, this was the last song to be played. Happy memories, but sad she is no longer with us. Numerous love songs which, just by listening to the words, will bring back a heartbreak a thousand times over – Dina Carroll will be forever in my heart. But instantly make me remember what is it to be in love and how I yearn for it again – even if it leads to further heartbreak.

You see, I really don’t care what people think of my musical tastes. I don’t pigeon hole myself into a declaration that I only like one kind of music – although I will happily say that I’m never going to be a fan of thrash metal and the like – but my musical tastes are wide and varied. Pop, Dance, Rock, Easy Listening, Soul, Funk, Disco and guess what, classical too. Hit shuffle on my iPod and you will assume I’m 4 different people.

I LOVE MUSIC! Music makes me feel alive. Music, like all art, should evoke a reaction. And if that reaction is throwing my hands up to my face doing the dance routine to “Tragedy”, then as far as I’m concerned it’s GREAT!!!

PS – Did you click on the links? Oh the memories!!

 

 

The Lazy Girls Guide to Dating

Ladies – it is time for me to impart my wisdom to you. Yes, yes, I realise that I’m none too successful at this dating malarkey AND yes, yes I realise that I am still single. However, I want to share some of my secrets with you….. and it’s a Bank Holiday Monday, it’s raining and I have bugger all else to do!

Internet Dating

Most of you singletons out there will hear mythical stories of a friend (or a friend of a friend) who met the love of their life in an internet dating site. It is likely these stories are true. It is also likely that your friend is in their mid 20’s, barely touched by human hands and has met the only good looking, single, normal man on that particular dating site. In reality, sign up for one of these sites and you will spend months sending emails to gorgeous men whilst deleting emails from the myriad of ugly, polygamous, twice divorced 40 year olds. Or some lunatic trying to scam you out of cash. When you don’t get a reply from the gorgeous men, you assume that you are a troll and forget that you are in fact gorgeous and sending emails to strangers who have no idea who you are. You forget that you met all your other boyfriends either through work or at a random club or pub. You forget that it’s fate and romance that is tried and tested, not browsing through the online equivalent of a human Littlewoods catalogue. To save problems in the future:

• match.com  = full of married people looking for a shag
• plentyoffish.co.uk = should be called nutters.com
• okcupid.com = polygamy and “open” relationships
• eharmony.com = run by people who assume that Newcastle is “close” to London
• toyboywarehouse.com = ideal, but mostly younger guys looking for their perfect MILF

First date

So, you’ve either met someone in a pub/club or you are one of the elite (or mentally insane) who has decided to meet someone from “online”. How about that first date?

• Good ideas – meeting for brunch, coffee or a “couple of drinks” in the pub.
• Bad ideas – meeting in the evening after a stressful day where a few drinks turn into getting absolutely bladdered and that “first kiss” romanticises the idea of that “first shag” which inevitably turns into that “One Night Stand”.
• Terrible ideas – meeting anytime after 10pm. This is, in technical terms, a precursor to the “One Night Stand”

The One Night Stand

Contrary to everything above, the one night stand is NOT always a terrible idea. It’s only a terrible idea if you truly believe that it’s completely romantic and you will see the other person again. You won’t, you are using each other for sex. The end.

Texting (pre & post date)

Texting is something that the kids do, right? No – this is 2012. Unless you are a complete luddite, get with the programme. Texting can be fun and flirty! However, you need to understand the creature to whom you are sending texts.

1. If the person you are texting sends you a picture of his penis, then he’s not your next big thing. Well, figuratively speaking.
2. If you text and he doesn’t reply for a week claiming “I’ve been in Scotland”, remember – there are mobile phone masts even in the Highlands.
3. If you text and he doesn’t reply, here’s the thing, it’s because he doesn’t want to reply because he doesn’t like you “like that”.
4. Continuous texting without calling or meeting is weird. You are probably texting your dad.
5. If you get a text saying “this is YOUR number, right? I switched phones/accidentally deleted it” – he is either married or has a girlfriend.
6. “Sexting” is not a good idea unless you have been on several dates and you are both into that kind of thing.
7. “Sexting” IS a good idea if you are desperate and get off on it.
8. All of the above should be ignored if Hugh Jackman gives you his phone number.

True Love

It  exists. I will find it. Again.

What a Samantha Brick…..

Yes, we’ve all read the Daily Mail article and yes, in the main, I think everyone has come out on the side of “good GRIEF woman, what planet are you living on???”. So here is something that will likely surprise people – I AGREE WITH SAMANTHA BRICK!

Perhaps I should clarify. Do I personally think she is pretty? No, I think she is a fairly average looking woman who happens to be slim with long, blonde hair – and guess what, yes, a lot of blokes like fairly average looking women who are slim with long, blonde hair. Blokes like Samantha Brick” lookey likeys” who may not, in her words, look like Elle MacPherson, but in the words of the truly gorgeous Marilyn Monroe, gentlemen truly do prefer blondes. More than likely, there isn’t a word of a lie in Ms Brick’s article. I’m sure throughout her life she has been bought drinks, treated like a princess and lived on a little pedestal, placed there by the male population, hence her highly inflated opinion about herself.

The article itself is a non-article. It’s intriguing that it has evoked such a strong reaction and I would like to see some analysis with regard to the demographics of people coming out against what is written. Do all women “hate” her? I don’t. I admire her honesty, deluded and narcissistic as it may be. I won’t judge Ms Brick for her looks, I’ll judge her for her writing, which, based on the article, is average.

Finally, before one of the aforementioned members of the “male population” crop up and say “well I don’t find her pretty” either, I am, like Ms Brick, generalising. I’m sure the majority of the male population will find me, a tall, overweight, gorgeous (oddly single) redhead, HUGELY attractive. I’ll await your call……

PS Dear Daily Mail – I’m not a trained journalist, but I am currently looking for a new job. If you would like to let me write a few articles for you on subjects a little more interesting, I’d be more than happy – drop me a line!

 

Parenthood, naturally

The desire to be a parent, for many, is something that is primal. Many, like myself have been incredibly fortunate to be blessed with the joy of children. For others, it can be a struggle and they turn to surrogates, IVF or adoption. All of these routes do not make them any less worthy parents than those who have conceived naturally.

So then, where am I going with this? Is this going to turn into a rant? No, not really. Merely an overview, an opinion and an invitation to comment. A couple of news stories over the past week or so have brought the topic of parenting to the fore. Specifically, parenting for those who would be unable to conceive naturally and have turned to artificial methods.

Last week, Susan Tollefsen was interviewed by the Daily Telegraph. She made headlines four years ago when she became Britain’s oldest mother at the age of 57. She became pregnant using a donor egg but with her partner’s sperm. Ethically, no clinic in the UK would agree to IVF treatment, so she went to Russia, where she was deemed “fit” for pregnancy. 4 years on, she is 61. Her partner has left her and over Christmas she became so ill that she was unable to care for her daughter – yes, this is something that could happen to anyone, but it is generally agreed that with increased age, you are more susceptible to illness and subsequently much more aware of your mortality. And this is exactly what has, finally, dawned on Susan. She recognises that she was too old to have a child at 57 and she herself says that 50 should be the absolute limit for giving birth. Just because you CAN give birth at 57, doesn’t mean you should. By the time her daughter is a teenager, she will be in her 70′s. She will be a lone parent. Yes, there are some very spritely 70 year old people out there, but looking after a child can be exhausting whether you are 21 or 71.

This week, Sir Elton John announced he would like to have a brother or sister for his son, Zachary. Sir Elton is 65 and his husband, David Furnish is 49. They plan to use a surrogate, as they did for their son. They have the luxury of money to ensure that whatever happens to them, their children will have a secure future, their children will be cared for. Fab – but what if their children want to grow up with their parents? Sir Elton will be well into his 70′s before either of his children are in their teens. I’m sure with his privileged lifestyle, there is a chance he will be fit and healthy, but you just don’t know. And again, just because he CAN have children, by whatever means available to him, doesn’t mean he SHOULD have children.

I’m not going to judge either of these cases, it is not my place to. I am lucky to have given birth to 4 children and have never known the pain of wanting a child without being able to fulfil that dream. However, as science continues to evolve, as humans begin to live longer, this dream will become a reality for many people who never previously thought it possible. I’m just not sure what is right and wrong. But I think nature is a good starting point and if nature says no, there is a good reason.

For Sale

I have a “For Sale” sign outside my house. It’s quite deliberate and perhaps something I should have done a month ago but for a number of reasons, largely emotional as opposed to logical, I delayed for as long as I could.

I have very mixed feelings at the moment. Without a job, the debts are mounting and living in a mortgaged house is unsustainable. I expect many fellow and far more sensible professionals out there would have something tucked away “for a rainy day”. However, I’m more of a “Carpe Diem” person. Why live in the future when you can live now? Why save for something that may never happen when you can go on a mad weekend in Vegas? Not terribly clever but do you know what….. it’s SO much more enjoyable and that is what life is all about. ENJOYMENT!

The past 6 months have been lonely, character building, difficult and an emotional rollercoaster. There are jobs out there but the market is very competitive. I’ve had moments where I have questioned my abilities and where my confidence has taken a dip but throughout it all, I know I am a good person, I know that I am GREAT at what I do and I definitely know it is a matter of time before I find the role that is right for me. People have suggested that I take a step down and even that I lie on my CV – but why? That is admitting defeat, it is giving in, it is suggesting that I won’t find the role that is waiting for me. I won’t do it. I’m not giving up. I’ve never given up. I’m strong and I am a fighter. I’ve beaten cancer for heaven’s sake – you think I’m going to let a little thing like not having a job get me down?

In the words of Helen Reddy, and rather cheesily…..

“You can bend but never break me
’cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger”

You want me to give up? Not a chance. I’ll sell the house but I won’t sell my life.

I am the better person. I am woman.

Grape Vine Social – Bubbles & Fun!

On Friday 17^th February, I was invited by a chum to a new & innovative type of dating experience – a Champagne Tasting Dating Party! Yes, it sounds like a mouthful, but the concept developed by Grape Vine Social is delicious in more ways than one!

I’ve never tried speed dating as it hasn’t appealed, but certainly the idea of a few drinks with guaranteed single men (no second guessing if that shadow on the left finger was a tan line……!!) seemed like a fabulous idea! The venue was a little off the beaten track, but the Dolphin Bar in Pimlico was new, friendly and certainly somewhere I would consider visiting again – decent prices for drinks too. Friday night, 40 or so single men & women, alcohol – bring it on!

Arrived a little early, with my chum and a big dose of trepidation, there seemed to be a gaggle of girls grouping together but no sign of any men!! We were greeted by two very friendly hosts – Sabine & James – who immediately made us feel welcome and gave us name badges and our dating card. The atmosphere was very relaxed. As is the way with men, they started to arrive – in dribs and drabs, late, naturally!! The whole group was very mixed, which was a good thing I think? Ages were varied and we were split into smaller groups of 5 or 6 on individual tables for the champagne tasting.

The format worked very well. Ladies sat at a numbered table and the men rotated in groups, bringing a new glass of champagne or sparkling wine for the actual tasting. We (ladies) found we had to experiment a little with the seating as I think initially it came across as a bit of a “pack” approach when we all seated ourselves on one side of the table! But once we all started chatting, it seemed to work quite naturally. Each session lasted a little over 12 minutes which was mostly enough time to ensure there was some good banter but not long enough for there to be awkward silences. Naturally, as the bubbles flowed, so did the conversation and by the end of the evening, everyone was very relaxed and chatty. After all the “dates” had finished, we were asked to put the names of people whom we liked on our dating cards and return them to the organisers – these would then be consolidated and interested parties would be emailed as a follow up on Monday morning. A good idea as it took away the nerves of asking for details from people on the night.

As the evening drew to a close, everyone gravitated towards the bar and continued to chat – again, very relaxed and informal. It was a very enjoyable evening and one that I would certainly recommend attending. I’m definitely going along again and will be dragging my other single female friends this time!

To find out more about Grape Vine Social:

Visit their Website
Follow them on Twitter
Like them on Facebook

Happy Valentines Day!

No depressing rant, no musings about the boyfriend situation, you won’t even get a whisper of men hating here.

For all you lovers out there, enjoy each other & ignore the cynics who say the day is too commercialised. Buy fluffy bears, send red roses and make absolute, slushy, mushy fools of yourself.

Feel the LOVE! And if you’ve got nothing better to do, read a little poem I wrote entitled “What Love Is”……

Tell me what Love is
Love is patient
Love is kind
The Bible tells us so

Show me what Love is
A lingering look
A passing touch
That moment when your heart skips

Take me where Love is
Hands held tight
Kisses like fire
Passion

Ask me what Love is
It’s a broken heart
A newborn child
The unknown, the future

Lorna Jones – February 2012

Click on the picture below to have a read of more of my poetry…..

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!